God, are you there?

I think I started somewhere in the middle of my anger on the first post but there is soooo much flowing through my thick head right now I don't know where to put it all. I'm so angry, distressed, scared and somewhat still in denial. I cannot, for the life of me, get past this stage. 

My sis was told, for the 3rd time, that the cancer is back last Wednesday. This is fucking bullshit. She has been through hell and back with chemo, puking, pain and head fucks for the past year and a half. This will be her third round of chemo and she is a fucking warrior. Why can't I be? I have prayed, pleaded, promised, cussed, ranted and raved to God to PLEASE take this away from her, she doesn't deserve this. I even asked Him to give it to me so that she can live and I will perish proudly and honorably but no, God, in His infinite wisdom, decided to "grant me" diverticulitis and send me to surgery. That was in May of this year and am happy to say that all is well there for the most part. I guess He wasn't listening to my WHOLE plead. I know, ya'll think thats the stupidest thing to ask for but let me tell you something. Us people that love our family more then ANYTHING and will do anything for eachother, even die, to keep the other alive is all I know. My sister DESERVES to be here, she has earned her RIGHT to stay here and DAMMIT, if it takes me going in her place, then so fucking be it. GOD, ARE YOU LISTENING YET????